i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How's work?
Spinning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
