My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
