Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize