everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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