I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
