My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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