Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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