So drunk its hurt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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