i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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