If i come over, it means nothing
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
