i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
