your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
