that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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