We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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