I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
