I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
