I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize