I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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