I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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