his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
