All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
