She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
