this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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