No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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