Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
