Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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