Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
