I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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