I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
