Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
