His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
