Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize