Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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