i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize