He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
