Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
vagina is talking i cant
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
