I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
