Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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