it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize