WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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