you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
