id be glad to
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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