if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
