if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
