i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize