Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
