First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
