My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I just sharted jello shots
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
