So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
