my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
