I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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