u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
