there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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