I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
