Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
