Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize