Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
