How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
