I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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