It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize