so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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