If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
