OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We got so high we made milksteak
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
