Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
