Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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