bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize