Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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