did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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