i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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