She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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