There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
