I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize