...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
