We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
