smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
