saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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