im six kinds of drunk right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i believe in u and ur pee
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
