i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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