Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
