very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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