so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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