please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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