areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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