I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
