I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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