Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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