Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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