false alarm. still invincible.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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