I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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