I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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