Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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