They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
