So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We are two peas in an std pod
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
