I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
