it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
