I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
pop tarts are not kleenex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He passed out mid-signature
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
