I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Farmville is her only friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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