YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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