The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
