Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Your penis caused this!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
